Marriage from an Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church Perspective: Part III- Post-Marriage Life

 

In the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Church, marriage is a sacred covenant that mirrors the union between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:32). It is a lifelong commitment grounded in love, faith, and obedience to God's commandments. The journey of married life, however, is not without its challenges, which require wisdom, patience, and spiritual discipline.

This essay examines what an Orthodox Christian wedding should look like, the roles of husband and wife, the challenges that arise in marriage, solutions grounded in biblical teachings, and the importance of cultivating a long-lasting, blessed union. By deeply understanding these principles, couples can build marriages that reflect the divine covenant.

Before examining the post-marriage issues, it is essential to first understand what an Orthodox Christian marriage should look like on the day of the marriage.

The Orthodox Christian Wedding Ceremony

The spiritual bride (ሙሽሪት) and groom (ሙሽራ) must stand firm in their decision. Relatives and friends, believing they know what is best, may cause confusion by suggesting alternatives—such as planning the wedding outside the Church, initially proposing a church ceremony with a choir, and later shifting to a secular celebration with secular attire and a music band.

However, the final decision rests with the bride and groom, as they are the ones entering the sacred bond of marriage. They must remain steadfast in their choice, prioritizing the Word of God over the worldly influences of family and friends. The wedding should focus on spiritual traditions and not become a source of confusion for others. To invite God's presence and preserve the sanctity of the marriage, the ceremony must be grounded in spiritual traditions. Holiness cannot be found in worldly music and dancing.

If the wedding and Holy Communion (ቅዱስ ቁርባን) are held on the same day, it is crucial to respect the sanctity of the Holy Communion. The body must be protected from the fatigue of sweat, and proper reverence should be shown for the Holy Communion. Turning the wedding into a secular event—by removing formal attire and engaging in secular music—distracts from the sacred nature of the ceremony. In general, the wedding should be celebrated with spiritual programs only, ensuring it remains a blessed occasion that honors God's presence.

While decorating, eating, and drinking are acceptable, these activities should remain within the boundaries set for Orthodox Christians on the wedding day. The key is to avoid worldly elements, such as music, dancing, and immodesty (የሰውነት አካልን የሚያሳይ አለባበስ), which shift the focus from the spiritual essence of the occasion.

In Ethiopian Orthodox Christianity, marriage cannot be valid without the Holy Communion. Some individuals may desire a church ceremony solely for photographs or videos, without participating in the Holy Communion. This approach is inappropriate and unacceptable. These individuals must first understand the true meaning of marriage and align their choices with the sacredness of the sacrament.

After the marriage, it is essential to understand key principles for fostering a successful marriage within the Orthodox Christian faith.

1. The Roles of  Husband and Wife in Marriage

a) The Role of the Husband

The husband is called to be the head of the family, providing spiritual and physical leadership:

" ክርስቶስ ደግሞ የቤተ ክርስቲያን ራስ እንደ ሆነ እርሱም አካሉን የሚያድን እንደ ሆነ ባል የሚስት ራስ ነውና።." (Ephesians 5:23)

His duties include:

·       Loving his wife as Christ loved the Church: “ባሎች ሆይ፥ ክርስቶስ ደግሞ ቤተ ክርስቲያንን እንደ ወደዳት ሚስቶቻችሁን ውደዱ” (Ephesians 5:25).

·       Providing and protecting the family: “ነገር ግን ለእርሱ ስለ ሆኑት ይልቁንም ስለ ቤተ ሰዎቹ የማያስብ ማንም ቢሆን፥ ሃይማኖትን የካደ ከማያምንም ሰው ይልቅ የሚከፋ ነው። “(1 Timothy 5:8).

·       Leading with wisdom and humility: “ባሎች ሆይ፥ ሚስቶቻችሁን ውደዱ መራራም አትሁኑባቸው”(Colossians 3:19).

·       Encouraging spiritual growth by leading prayers and guiding the family in faith. A godly husband builds a marriage based on love, respect, and responsibility.

b) The Role of the Wife

The wife is called to be a helper and partner to her husband: " ሚስቶች ሆይ፥ ለጌታ እንደምትገዙ ለባሎቻችሁ ተገዙ፤" (Ephesians 5:22)

Her duties include:

·       Supporting her husband in love and respect: “እንዲሁም፥ እናንተ ሚስቶች ሆይ፥ ከባሎቻችሁ አንዳንዱ ለትምህርት የማይታዘዙ ቢኖሩ፥ በፍርሃት ያለውን ንጹሑን ኑሮአችሁን እየተመለከቱ ያለ ትምህርት በሚስቶቻቸው ኑሮ እንዲገኙ ተገዙላቸው።… እንዲህ በቀድሞ ዘመን በእግዚአብሔር ተስፋ ያደረጉት ቅዱሳት ሴቶች ደግሞ ለባሎቻቸው ሲገዙ ተሸልመው ነበርና፤ እንዲሁም ሣራ ለአብርሃም፦ ጌታ ብላ እየጠራችው ታዘዘችለት፤ እናንተም ከሚያስደነግጥ ነገር አንዳች እንኳ ሳትፈሩ መልካም ብታደርጉ ልጆችዋ ናችሁ። (1 Peter 3:1-2, 5- 6).

·       Managing the household with wisdom and diligence: “ልባም ሴትን ማን ሊያገኛት ይችላል? ዋጋዋ ከቀይ ዕንቍ እጅግ ይበልጣል። የባልዋ ልብ ይታመንባታል፥ ምርኮም አይጐድልበትም። ዕድሜዋን ሙሉ መልካም ታደርግለታለች፥ ክፉም አታደርግም። (Proverbs 31:10-12).

·       Strengthening the marriage through patience and humility: “ቆነጃጅትም የእግዚአብሔር ቃል እንዳይሰደብ፥ ባሎቻቸውን የሚወዱ፥ ልጆቻቸውን የሚወዱ፥ ራሳቸውን የሚገዙ፥ ንጹሖች፥ በቤት የሚሠሩ፥ በጎዎች፥ ለባሎቻቸው የሚታዘዙ እንዲሆኑ ይምከሩአቸው።” (Titus 2:4-5).

·       Encouraging peace and unity in the family: “ብልሃተኛ ሴት ቤትዋን ትሠራለች፤ ሰነፍ ሴት ግን በእጅዋ ታፈርሰዋለች።” (Proverbs 14:1).

By fulfilling these roles, husbands and wives create a balanced and blessed union. Through mutual submission, love, and respect, the marriage relationship becomes a source of spiritual growth and joy.

2. Challenges in Marriage and How to Overcome Them

Every marriage faces difficulties, but faith, wisdom, and mutual commitment help to overcome them.

a) Financial Struggles

Money issues can create stress and conflict. The Scripture teaches: "እግዚአብሔርን ከመፍራት ጋር ያለ ጥቂት ነገር ሁከት ካለበት ከብዙ መዝገብ ይሻላል። የጐመን ወጥ በፍቅር መብላት የሰባ ፍሪዳን ጥል ባለበት ዘንድ ከመብላት ይሻላል።." (Proverbs 15:16-17)

Solution for Financial Struggles:

·       Budget wisely and avoid unnecessary debt.

·       Live within means and trust God’s provision: “ አምላኬም እንደ ባለ ጠግነቱ መጠን በክብር በክርስቶስ ኢየሱስ የሚያስፈልጋችሁን ሁሉ ይሞላባችኋል።” (Philippians 4:19).

·       Husbands and wives should communicate openly and frequently about finances to avoid misunderstandings.

b) Miscommunication and Conflicts

Disagreements are a natural part of marriage, but how they are handled makes all the difference: "የለዘበች መልስ ቍጣን ትመልሳለች፤ ሸካራ ቃል ግን ቍጣን ታስነሣለች።" (Proverbs 15:1)

Solution for miscommunication and conflicts:

·       Practice patience and listen before responding: “ስለዚህ፥ የተወደዳችሁ ወንድሞቼ ሆይ፥ ሰው ሁሉ ለመስማት የፈጠነ ለመናገርም የዘገየ ለቍጣም የዘገየ ይሁን፤” (James 1:19).

·       Apologize and forgive quickly: “እርስ በርሳችሁ ትዕግሥትን አድርጉ፥ ማንም በባልንጀራው ላይ የሚነቅፈው ነገር ካለው፥ ይቅር ተባባሉ፤ ክርስቶስ ይቅር እንዳላችሁ እናንተ ደግሞ እንዲሁ አድርጉ፤” (Colossians 3:13).

·       Both partners should strive to avoid harmful words: Understanding the impact of words on one another is vital. Seek wisdom from God to remain calm and speak kindly.

·       Never consider beating (መደብደብ) your spouse: "እንዲሁም ባሎች ደግሞ እንደ ገዛ ሥጋቸው አድርገው የገዛ ሚስቶቻቸውን ሊወዱአቸው ይገባቸዋል። የገዛ ሚስቱን የሚወድ ራሱን ይወዳል፤ ማንም የገዛ ሥጋውን የሚጠላ ከቶ የለምና" (Ephesians 5:28-29). This highlights that harming your spouse is harming yourself.

·       Also, never insult (መሳደብ) your spouse: "ለሚሰሙት ጸጋን ይሰጥ ዘንድ፥ እንደሚያስፈልግ ለማነጽ የሚጠቅም ማናቸውም በጎ ቃል እንጂ ክፉ ቃል ከአፋችሁ ከቶ አይውጣ።" (Ephesians 4:29). This verse teaches that only kind words should come from our mouths, avoiding harmful speech.

·       Seek guidiance from spiritual fathers: “እንደ ልቤም በግ ጠባቆችን እሰጣችኋለሁ፥ በእውቀትና በማስተዋልም ይጠብቁአችኋል።” (Jeremiah 3:15)

c) External Pressures (Family, Society, Friends)

Interference from outsiders can damage a marriage. It is crucial to remember the biblical teaching: “ስለዚህ ሰው አባቱንና እናቱን ይተዋል፥ በሚስቱም ይጣበቃል፤ ሁለቱም አንድ ሥጋ ይሆናሉ።” (Genesis 2:24). This verse reminds us that marriage is a sacred bond that must be protected from external influences. Couples should prioritize resolving their issues between themselves, rather than turning to family and friends too quickly.

Solution for External Pressures:

·       Establish healthy boundaries with extended family.

·       Prioritize unity, love, and understanding between husband and wife.

·       Seek guidance from the Church when conflicts arise, as spiritual advice can provide clarity and peace in challenging situations.

3. Sexual Relationship in Marriage: A Divine Gift

Sexual intimacy in marriage is a divine gift meant for both love and procreation. "መጋባት በሁሉ ዘንድ ክቡር መኝታውም ንጹሕ ይሁን፤" (Hebrews 13:4). This sacred union strengthens the emotional and spiritual bond between husband and wife.

a) Importance of Sexual Relationships

·       Strengthens the emotional and spiritual bond: Sexual intimacy strengthens the bond between spouses, as stated in Genesis 2:24, and is a divine gift for both.

·       Protects from temptation: “ነገር ግን ስለ ዝሙት ጠንቅ ለእያንዳንዱ ለራሱ ሚስት ትኑረው ለእያንዳንዲቱ ደግሞ ለራስዋ ባል ይኑራት። ባል ለሚስቱ የሚገባትን ያድርግላት፥ እንደዚሁም ደግሞ ሚስቲቱ ለባልዋ። ሚስት በገዛ ሥጋዋ ላይ ሥልጣን የላትም፥ ሥልጣን ለባልዋ ነው እንጂ፤ እንዲሁም ደግሞ ባል በገዛ ሥጋው ላይ ሥልጣን የለውም፥ ሥልጣን ለሚስቱ ነው እንጂ። ለጸሎት ትተጉ ዘንድ ተስማምታችሁ ለጊዜው ካልሆነ በቀር፥ እርስ በርሳችሁ አትከላከሉ፤ ራሳችሁን ስለ አለመግዛት ሰይጣን እንዳይፈታተናችሁ ደግሞ አብራችሁ ሁኑ።” (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). This passage highlights the importance of mutual understanding and sexual intimacy to protect from temptation.

·       Brings joy and fulfillment in marriage: “ምንጭህ ቡሩክ ይሁን፤ ከጕብዝናህም ሚስት ጋር ደስ ይበልህ…” (Proverbs 5:18-19). This verse speaks to the joy and fulfillment that sexual intimacy brings to a marriage.

b) Common Issues and Solutions to Sexual Relationships

1. Lack of Communication About Intimacy

·       Couples should discuss their needs with love, respect, and understanding, fostering a healthy and open relationship.

2. Temptations and Infidelity (unfaithfulness)

·       Avoid inappropriate relationship and remain faithful: The scripture states, “You shall not commit adultery / አታመንዝር” (Exodus 20:14).  Proverbs 6:32-33 also warns: “ከሴት ጋር የሚያመነዝር ግን አእምሮው የጐደለ ነው፤ እንዲሁም የሚያደርግ ነፍሱን ያጠፋል። ቍስልንና ውርደትን ያገኛል፥ ስድቡም አይደመሰስም።” Similarly, Mathiew 5: 28 states “እኔ ግን እላችኋለሁ፥ ወደ ሴት ያየ ሁሉ የተመኛትም ያን ጊዜ በልቡ ከእርስዋ ጋር አመንዝሮአል”

·       Adultery (ዝሙት) carries severe consequences. In the Old Testament, the penalty was death (Leviticus 20:10, Deuteronomy 22:22). Proverbs 6:29 further emphasizes, “ወደ ሰው ሚስት የሚገባም እንዲሁ ነው፤ የሚነካትም ሁሉ ሳይቀጣ አይቀርም።”

·       Consequences of indulging in sin, including adultery, are highlighted in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “ወይስ ዓመፀኞች የእግዚአብሔርን መንግሥት እንዳይወርሱ አታውቁምን? አትሳቱ፤ ሴሰኞች ቢሆን ወይም ጣዖትን የሚያመልኩ ወይም አመንዝሮች ወይም ቀላጮች ወይም ከወንድ ጋር ዝሙት የሚሠሩ ወይም ሌቦች ወይም ገንዘብን የሚመኙ ወይም ሰካሮች ወይም ተሳዳቢዎች ወይም ነጣቂዎች የእግዚአብሔርን መንግሥት አይወርሱም።”

·       Mark 7: 20-23 also explains that “እርሱም አለ፡— ከሰው የሚወጣው ሰውን የሚያረክስ ያ ነው። ከውስጥ ከሰው ልብ የሚወጣ ክፉ አሳብ፥ ዝሙት፥ መስረቅ፥ መግደል፥ ምንዝርነት፥ መጐምጀት፥ ክፋት፥ ተንኰል፥ መዳራት፥ ምቀኝነት፥ ስድብ፥ ትዕቢት፥ ስንፍና ናቸውና፤ ይህ ክፉው ሁሉ ከውስጥ ይወጣል ሰውን ያረክሰዋል።” This emphasizes that adultery, along with other sins, originates in the heart and leads to spiritual defilement.

3. Periods of Abstinence

The Church encourages abstinence from marital relations during fasting seasons and spiritual practices. The Bible offers guidance on abstaining from sexual relations for prayer and fasting. 1 Corinthians 7:5 states, “ለጸሎት ትተጉ ዘንድ ተስማምታችሁ ለጊዜው ካልሆነ በቀር፥ እርስ በርሳችሁ አትከላከሉ፤ ራሳችሁን ስለ አለመግዛት ሰይጣን እንዳይፈታተናችሁ ደግሞ አብራችሁ ሁኑ።” This verse emphasizes that married couples can abstain from marital relations temporarily for spiritual reasons. Both partners need to respectfully communicate and come to a mutual agreement before engaging in this practice.

Mutual respect and spiritual discipline help preserve harmony. A marriage built on love, faith, and purity is truly blessed.

4. Unwanted Behaviors That Harm Marriage

Certain behaviors can destroy trust and peace within marriage.

a) Drunkenness

Alcohol abuse leads to arguments and irresponsibility."የወይን ጠጅ ፌዘኛ ያደርጋል፥ ብርቱ መጠጥም ጠበኛ ያደርጋል፤ በዚህም የሳተ ሁሉ ጠቢብ አይደለም።." (Proverbs 20:1)

Avoid excessive drinking—quitting alcohol altogether is the best approach. If addiction becomes a struggle, seek both spiritual and professional support. For further insights on alcohol consumption, refer to this essay:  https://tewahedoperspective.blogspot.com/search/label/Alcohol%20Consumption%20in%20Orthodox%20Christian%20Ethics.

b) Gambling

Gambling can lead to financial ruin and addiction. "የታመነ ሰው እጅግ ይባረካል፤ ባለጠጋ ለመሆን የሚቸኵል ግን ሳይቀጣ አይቀርም።" (Proverbs 28:20)

Solution: Earn money through honest work. Avoid greed and trust in God’s provision: “ነገር ግን አስቀድማችሁ የእንግዚአብሔርን መንግሥት ጽድቁንም ፈልጉ፥ ይህም ሁሉ ይጨመርላችላችሁ።” (Matthew 6:33).

c) Improper Dress and Modesty (ልከኝነት)

Modesty reflects respect for oneself and one’s spouse. “እንዲሁም ደግሞ ሴቶች በሚገባ ልብስ ከእፍረትና ራሳቸውን ከመግዛት ጋር ሰውነታቸውን ይሸልሙ፤ እግዚአብሔርን እንፈራለን ለሚሉት ሴቶች እንደሚገባ፥ መልካም በማድረግ እንጂ በሽሩባና በወርቅ ወይም በዕንቍ ወይም ዋጋው እጅግ በከበረ ልብስ አይሸለሙ።” (1 Timothy 2:9)

Solution: Husbands and wives should dress decently. Avoid clothing that leads others into temptation (Matthew 5:28).

Marriage succeeds when both spouses respect and honor each other.

5. Helping Each Other for a Long-Lasting and Blessed Marriage

A successful marriage requires continuous effort and spiritual commitment.

a) Growing Spiritually Together

Pray together. Read the Bible, spiritual books, and articles, and attend church services together. Confess sins and receive Holy Communion regularly.

b) Supporting Each Other in Hard Times

 " ከእናንተ እያንዳንዱ የአንዱን ሸክም ይሸከም እንዲሁም የክርስቶስን ሕግ ፈጽሙ።." (Galatians 6:2)

Encourage and uplift each other. Work as a team in parenting and household duties. Stand together in sickness and trials.

c) Raising Children in Faith

" ልጅን በሚሄድበት መንገድ ምራው፥ በሸመገለም ጊዜ ከእርሱ ፈቀቅ አይልም።" (Proverbs 22:6)

Teach children Orthodox values. Set an example through love and discipline. Create a peaceful home centered on faith. Never insult (መሳደብ) your children; they will imitate your words and actions as they grow.

A marriage centered on God’s teachings, love, and respect will be blessed and long-lasting.

Conclusion

Marriage in the Ethiopian Orthodox Tewahedo Christian tradition is more than a social institution; it is a divine calling, a sacrament through which spouses participate in God’s grace. By understanding and embracing their roles, facing challenges with faith, and nurturing their relationship through prayer and the sacraments, couples can build a strong and blessed union. In doing so, they not only strengthen their marriage but also reflect the profound mystery of Christ and His Church, fulfilling the true purpose of marriage in the Orthodox Tewahedo faith.